To muskox and me!
I wanna go back to see my new nuerologist
I hate these fuckin mood swings
happy/sad up/down fuck/that
Dr. Arora says that my depression is keeping me from sleeping. Lack of sleep causes seizures. So, he wants to treat my depression. This is a huge relief; I never wanted to try to treat my depression because I'm already on so many mind-altering drugs (heavily medicated anti-convulsants whee), but if my neurologist (who also happens to be a seizure specialist, or "epileptologist") is the one taking care of all my brain meds, including anti-depressants, I feel like that will be okay.
Oh, and in case you care... this is what's wrong with my brain.
Alright, so we are going to Lobsterfest on Sunday--mmmm, exo-skele-crackin' good XD
My niece, Savannah, is coming (my brother might be, too), Mamma's gonna be in town, and Rachel's coming into town today, so I think she's gonna come, too!
Toy Shop's in Montgomery tonight, though, so I don't think Jim will get back in time ;_;
OH WELL, it'll be fun anyway. DESPITE that.
Then, Sunday... Birthday dinner.
Everything's going fine until yesterday morning--BOOM, another seizure. Luckily I was at my grandparent's house, and Mamma and Papa were here to save me. We went to see Dr. Fambrough (my shoulder doctor), who said that my shoulder had not been fouled by the experience, due to the fact that I was wearing my immobilizer brace. (whew!)
So I have an appointment with a neurologist who is a seizure specialist today. Hopefully we can get this beast under control.
It was worse than they thought. It was worse than I thought.
Before the surgery Wednesday, the anesthesiologist (a mouthful of a word if I ever saw one) gave me a "block," which should have numbed my entire arm for about a day. Instead, it numbed half my diaphragm, my neck, and part of my shoulder.
When the doctor got in to my shoulder, it was worse than he thought it was. The surgery took several hours instead of just one. At least he didn't have to open me up--he was still able to do what he needed to through the little incisions (arthroscope?). I woke up nauseated and in excruciating pain... Dr. Fambrough had told my mother and grandmother that I would wake up feeling like he'd been beating on me with a hammer--"which I was" (at least he has a sense of humor :). They gave me a couple shots of morphine in my IV, which only succeeded in making me more nauseaous. I didn't want to stay in the hospital, but it hurt so badly...
So they checked me in. Nana stayed for a while, then left. Mamma stayed all night. Jim came and brought me a change of clothes, a can of soup, and a couple VHS movies (there was a VCR in the room). He stayed for most of the night--left after Cowboy Bebop (about 12:30 or so). They gave me 2 Lortabs (once every 6 hours or so), a low-level muscle relaxer (8 hours), and morphine, but I still could hardly sleep for the pain. I had to stay sitting up--I never sleep on my back because I'll snore--so whenever I'd fall asleep, I'd wake myself up with a snort.
In the morning, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me a "rescue block" which did what the original block should have done, although it only lasted for about half a day instead of 24 hours. I'm feeling better now, though, thank the Maker.
I'm staying at Nana & Papa's for a few days. Mom's here taking care of me. My aunt Karlie, uncle Tom, and cousins Thomas and Carol Ann sent me flowers--orange Gerbera Daisies in a ceramic pumpkin with little star-shaped holes ^_^ I never got flowers in a box before, heh. (Thanks, CA)
I may be out of work for longer than I thought, which sucks. I'll be allowed to take this shoulder immobilizer off to bathe tomorrow, and I won't have to sleep sitting up by then, either.
[more details forthcoming, when typing isn't such a pain in the... shoulder.]
Okay. So. A few weeks ago my father left me a voicemail. He talked about an interview he had for a job at NASA headquarters in Washington D.C. and how well it went... then, he put forth a question: if he and Jessica were to move to D.C.at the start of the year, would I consider coming up there--to live?
I feel like this is a move I am ready to make. So if Dad gets the job--I'm gone. Even if he doesn't get that job and ends up staying in Norfolk, I'll probably move up there, though it would be later, maybe next Fall.
I'm just ready for a change. Huntsville is too small for me. I need to go back to school, this time for the thing I love most--choral music. There is an extremely active choral scene up there, not to mention lots of Jazz. I need to start fresh, get out of some bad habits (some of which I've already started to break free from); plus, it'll be nice to get to know my baby sister :)
I'll miss everyone... but I really need to do this. And it's not like I'll never be back. Huntsville is and always has been my hometown, and I have lots of family here.
So come and visit while you still have the chance...!
Alright. Hello, All!
I have, since my accident:
-been to see Dr. Fambrough twice and scheduled my surgery for Wednesday, 17 October 2007. (diagnosis: Recurrent dislocation of right shoulder...Hill-Sachs lesion at superior/posterior humeral head... anterior labral tear... subscapularis tendinosis--for all you medschool nerds). The surgery will be arthroscopic unless the good Doctor gets in and sees something he doesn't like, in which case he will open me up and keep me overnight.
-put on a great choir concert with Nana and Papa in the Master Chorale at Temple B'nai Shalom!
-scheduled an appointment to get my pre-admission labwork done, tomorrow (Friday, 5 October 2007).
-discovered that there is no mail-order Rx coverage with the BCBS plan I am under.
-found two programs that will allow me to get my medicine should I lose my health insurance.
-been assured by my boss that I will not lose my job because of the surgery (whew).
-ordered and received a copy of my accident report and filled out the accompanying form (although I'm not entirely sure I need to--better safe than sorry).
-received a bill for the ambulance and filled out the insurance information accompanying it (maybe I won't have to pay all of it)
-ordered another copy of "proof of creditable coverage" from United Healthcare to mail to BCBS.
And, perhaps Most Importantly...
-come to appreciate my friends family even more than I already did, most notably Nana and Papa: you guys have kept me sane through all of this--I don't know how I'd have done it without you! I love you both--and ALL of you--SO MUCH.
Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. And pull my head together. Thanks to everyone who has expressed concern or offered assistance to me in this stressful time--it means a lot to me.
Lots of love--Mikki
I'm going through some shit.
Anyone who has never had to deal with depression probably has no way to grasp the hugeness of the problem. Jim is one of those people. He has never felt the overwhelming sense of hopelessness and despair that surges through a body in the grips of her terrible embrace...
I've inherited a tendancy towards depression from both sides of the family. It comes and goes, but when it's here it's difficult to escape from. Jim stares, uncomprehending, repulsed. I push the people I love away, not wanting to get them wrapped up in what it essentially my problem.
It's very taxing. It saps my motivation and makes me freeze in the face of pressure and stress.
I haven't had a cigarette since Tuesday, and I haven't smoked when I wasn't at a bar in over a week. I've dropped another of my "extra-curricular activities" as well. I still need to eat better, but that will come.
Now, if I can just pay my bills...
I have two doctor's appointments today. One with my vagina doctor to see if my cervix is fixed, and the other with the orthopedic surgeon to get the results of my MRI and, I assume, schedule my shoulder surgery.
I want it done as soon as possible.
It's gotten to the point now where it feels normal (at least how normal has been since the beginning of the year when I started having problems with it), and I'm nervous that I'll forget it's messed up and do something to hurt it worse.
Dave Anderson is playing with LaSalle in Nashville tonight, and Dave's wife Rebecca called and I think we're going to drive up there to see them. I haven't seen LaSalle since Aaron and Nick moved up to N'vegas, so I think it'll be fun. Rick said something about going, too, and I think Jim is down, since he doesn't have a gig--as long as he doesn't have to drive.
So... fun tonight, perhaps :)
Donald Fagen is so funky. You can hear where Steely Dan gets it from. And DAMN, this weather is nice!